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It seems fitting to write this post today.
July Fourth.
What it stands for. What lies it tells. What blood stains its sheets.
My mother's friend called again, asking if we were sure we didn't want to take refuge in China for a while.
He has a spare room, he said, very earnestly, if we wanted to seek asylum.
It would be funny if it weren't terrifying.
Seeking refuge in... China?
That China?
Of the war-wolf diplomacy and the harsh gloat of "the days of China being trodden underfoot are over"?
But ah, you see, we currently live in Taiwan.
And we watch the news about Hong Kong, and we wonder when it's our turn.
China has, after all, declared that it is perfectly happy to resort to military measures to ensure Taiwan returns to the fold.
And I think about compliance and what measures we take to survive versus justice.
It reminds me of Bear.
It's 2020, and I have cracked a canine from stress-grinding my teeth because of Bear.
I've talked in spots and patches of why I chose to self-publish my books.
Hinted.
Played it safe.
Said "traditional publishing" when really I meant "I saw a white woman weaponize her privilege and her white friends to bring down a ton of bricks on women of color and I decided I didn't have the fortitude for dealing with that".
It was 2009 and I'd just started thinking about going into writing as a career.
Finally.
I'd been working myself up to it for years, ever since I could remember, and it felt like the world was finally stopping just long enough for me to get on the ride.
And then, the avalanche.
I'd blanked the trauma out so hard it took going on the Writing Excuses Cruise in 2018 for me to realize, why yes, I still had very strong feelings about Bear.
Specifically, how gaslit I felt that Bear kept coming up in recommendations as a good writer, someone to read if you wanted diverse characters, and an all around lovely human being.
Excuse me?
What?
You mean, the Bear that started the RaceFail that led to my hard pivot away from SFF?
Bujold and Wrede were auto-buy authors and I stopped cold-turkey.
I put Elizabeth Moon and Bear onto my "never ever touch" list even as I blurred the why exactly.
I carried a deep and abiding, if hidden, fear of editors and white people in power in traditional publishing.
It's startling how naming the wound lances it.
Still.
It's 2020 and I have WOC caping for Bear.
A number of them, in fact.
Saying that she's made apologies in private and amends and she's such an ally and we should forgive and forget lest we miss out on good things in life.
Bear feels like one of those end game bosses where they mutate into stronger forms and turns your strongest spells against you.
And now, instead of just weaponizing fellow white people, I shall AOE you with WOC so you no longer feel safe anywhere.
Someone said, somewhere, "don't judge people for what they do to survive".
And I don't.
But it's interesting how the patterns are the same everywhere.
It's possible I'm exaggerating my fear of China just as I might be over-estimating the likelihood of getting smacked down harder by Bear.
But then I remember my teenage years in Shanghai, when it was considerably more free, for a given definition of it, and I might be paranoid, but it doesn't mean they won't come to get you.
So I think about Bear attacks and the might of the Chinese military and how it has its own sat-nav satellite now and whether China will put unruly Taiwan citizens in concentration camps should things escalate and whether the US will do the same because both have a clear penchant for doing so.
And I think, revolutionaries should be orphans, because then they can't use your family against you.
July Fourth.
What it stands for. What lies it tells. What blood stains its sheets.
My mother's friend called again, asking if we were sure we didn't want to take refuge in China for a while.
He has a spare room, he said, very earnestly, if we wanted to seek asylum.
It would be funny if it weren't terrifying.
Seeking refuge in... China?
That China?
Of the war-wolf diplomacy and the harsh gloat of "the days of China being trodden underfoot are over"?
But ah, you see, we currently live in Taiwan.
And we watch the news about Hong Kong, and we wonder when it's our turn.
China has, after all, declared that it is perfectly happy to resort to military measures to ensure Taiwan returns to the fold.
And I think about compliance and what measures we take to survive versus justice.
It reminds me of Bear.
It's 2020, and I have cracked a canine from stress-grinding my teeth because of Bear.
I've talked in spots and patches of why I chose to self-publish my books.
Hinted.
Played it safe.
Said "traditional publishing" when really I meant "I saw a white woman weaponize her privilege and her white friends to bring down a ton of bricks on women of color and I decided I didn't have the fortitude for dealing with that".
It was 2009 and I'd just started thinking about going into writing as a career.
Finally.
I'd been working myself up to it for years, ever since I could remember, and it felt like the world was finally stopping just long enough for me to get on the ride.
And then, the avalanche.
I'd blanked the trauma out so hard it took going on the Writing Excuses Cruise in 2018 for me to realize, why yes, I still had very strong feelings about Bear.
Specifically, how gaslit I felt that Bear kept coming up in recommendations as a good writer, someone to read if you wanted diverse characters, and an all around lovely human being.
Excuse me?
What?
You mean, the Bear that started the RaceFail that led to my hard pivot away from SFF?
Bujold and Wrede were auto-buy authors and I stopped cold-turkey.
I put Elizabeth Moon and Bear onto my "never ever touch" list even as I blurred the why exactly.
I carried a deep and abiding, if hidden, fear of editors and white people in power in traditional publishing.
It's startling how naming the wound lances it.
Still.
It's 2020 and I have WOC caping for Bear.
A number of them, in fact.
Saying that she's made apologies in private and amends and she's such an ally and we should forgive and forget lest we miss out on good things in life.
Bear feels like one of those end game bosses where they mutate into stronger forms and turns your strongest spells against you.
And now, instead of just weaponizing fellow white people, I shall AOE you with WOC so you no longer feel safe anywhere.
Someone said, somewhere, "don't judge people for what they do to survive".
And I don't.
But it's interesting how the patterns are the same everywhere.
It's possible I'm exaggerating my fear of China just as I might be over-estimating the likelihood of getting smacked down harder by Bear.
But then I remember my teenage years in Shanghai, when it was considerably more free, for a given definition of it, and I might be paranoid, but it doesn't mean they won't come to get you.
So I think about Bear attacks and the might of the Chinese military and how it has its own sat-nav satellite now and whether China will put unruly Taiwan citizens in concentration camps should things escalate and whether the US will do the same because both have a clear penchant for doing so.
And I think, revolutionaries should be orphans, because then they can't use your family against you.
